LOW DOWN

Who said that being naive was against being right? That it wasn't a good lifestyle to live with? I mean.. the best things in life are free and simple right? So wtf? It seems so much more complicated with relationships nowadays. Mainly because I've seen guys who are good and no good. And when it comes to being naive, it's like, it doesn't even matter. Love and lust just flowed easy. Went down memory lane with an ex boyfriend last night and it was a good 3 hours worth of conversation. I miss how simple love was.

I WONT SAY I'M THE BEST UNTIL THE STACKS ARRIVE

We all know what's best for us. We just tend to ignore it because we're afraid that we can't handle it.

EASY DOES IT

Okay. So this simply the end of my "walls" being broken down. Throughout the guys that come in and out of my life I've noticed how naive I really am. I fall, fuck up, too late. I fall, lust, I'm cut. And I put falling as an option, confused and then realized. GUYS ARE ASSHOLES


Anyways, work has been a hassle. Good experience though.. I'm learning a lot AND making a lot. Boom diggittyyy boom.

SELF EVALUATION

What are we without personality? Like really kids.. Why is it that we're so busy upgrading on trends and even the natural ability to look cute? I mean, I'm not saying I pay no attention to the material things in life but those who don't have patience to see the real deal in people won't give others the same amount of time to do the same thing. It's like the idea of being "fresh". You're not exactly as original as you wish you'd be if you don't know the history of your life. Without roots, you're nothing. You won't find real until you are real.

FORGIVE ME

So much for stepping back into that little hole of mine and building my walls back up lol. I tripped. But it's alright. It's cool now. It was just that sudden moment of lust that's all. You kept your promise to be the guy you said you were. Lied about a few things but who's to blame? He was just like every other guy. Ahem anyhoo. I start full time tmrw.. stoked? NOT REALLY.

ONE TIME

Ugh. Now I have an actual legit reason to why shit like what went down last night won't ever happen again. Fckn liars.

FOR REAL THIS TIME. I am done with men.

YOU ARE MY SHOOTING STAR

I got the job at Feet First today. Not really what I was lookin' into, but I'm heading somewhere aren't I? Baby steps. Easy as 123. New obsession: ART! Be right back <3

BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

Lay out a piece of paper and write down all the shit in your life that's complicating. Stick your head in between your knees and breathe. Now think of the outcome.. Think about everything that could come out of this. Think positive man. Under the roof issues. Every night since my boy Mark "passed away" I've been praying on the regular regardless I'm wasted or not. I always do.. always reminding God that whether this issue breaks or makes me, let it all be worth it in the end. So what's the point in dwelling now? Just chill. Let Go and let God. The passing of Jay. He's in a better place now right? But that's not really what hurts me the most. It's more of his family, his real close friends that have to deal with this. That's what hurts. Seeing the struggles and the pain. It's like a good long healthy relationship.. when it's over. It's like death. And now you know.. LOVE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW.

SAY WHAT'S REAL

"TO JAYR." WE DRINK AND SMOKE TO YOUR NAME KID.. REST IN PARADISE.
The good die young. He was the type to be up to no good. Livin' life like there was no tomorrow. Always smiling even when shit wasn't anywhere near content. Whatever it is that got him into this mess, the kid had a heart up his sleeve. It doesn't matter who did what, you don't fuck with that. Let this be a moment of silence. Push aside the beef for now and realize what just went down. The grass is greener on the other side Jay See ya there.

THE WORLD HATES US

What an emotional day haha. It basically consisted of OTH until 7 and then from there was when the water works ran. Went to go kick it with the best of the best JUSTIN and we were both having similar problems sooooo.. we decided to hit up the hill. And then that whole rush hit me. That rush where the cold wind hits your face and confusing the smoke I exhaled hitting J in the face. I stood in the middle of the compass directions and stared at city lights. Why does the South end have more lights than North end? Oh right cause North end's the Ghettttttttto hahaha. Anyways, I stood there. Totally lost on what's happening in my life right now. There was nothin goin good for me. Content, but definitely not good. I realized how great I can have it if I push myself. Kinda glad I blew up today. Sick of facing everything with my mouth and eyes shut. Anyways, the day ended good. Toked one with J, Momo and Paula and helped J get a boyfriend. That's supposed to be funny.

NOTHING BUT A CHASE

they say good girls are the ones who write diaries, and that bad girls don't find time to write. so what're you trying to say? what does that make me?

I never actually realized how important opinions are. I had an interview last Thursday and I remember the manager asking me how hard I would fight to win over an argument about an opinion. My answer was ridiculou I choked. But for real.. who knew how our aspects on life can have an affect on not only yourself but everyone else? Everyone else who knows how to listen, anyway. I mean why does it feel like everyone has to enjoy the things I do and have the same taste as me just to prevent bickering? Why can't we all just put our opinions aside and put ourselves in the opponents shoes? It's called calm compromise. Maybe we'll see why there's so much shit going on in the world or maybe we'll see what we already know.

WORN OUT

You know.. maybe it's not so bad. For the first time in so long I've decided to live long without those wutchamacall it? Oh right. Guys. It's just.. I judge relationships and I judge couples upon appearance and I guess some situations. I find it wrong because you never exactly know what's going on between other couples. Everything from how much they do truly care about each other, what the real reasons are to why they're together, we never really know. We assume and I don't want to do that anymore. You know, love is big to me. Too big for winnipeg to understand. I don't want one of those relationships where I have to put on a show for anyone. I guess I could admit that I did find one of those connections.. and I did blow it. But you know. Life goes on and life's full of surprises. I'm just waiting for that day where I get swept off my feet.. I don't really enjoy the thought of learning or adapting to someone. I want legit, right in front of my face chemistry. I want to feel inferior towards someone. I've tried too many approaches it all makes sense to me now. So much sense where I can commit to not committing. I'm basically declaring ME being SINGLE FOR GOOD.

Blow my mind away, I'd like to see you try.

Aside from that. Summer is officially over. Pretty unreal huh? I get this totally different feeling now. As if summer isn't over mainly because I ain't got shit to do anymore since everyone's busy making something out of their lives unlike myself. THAT I'm disappointed in. But I'm trying, just not hard enough. I hope I hit rock bottom soon I'm desperate for the real world. Overall summer has been good. Rocky here and there but when is life ever perfect?

NATHAN MAKE ME GO WEEOOWEE

You wanna know what i hate about dvd series? You get stuck into this whole dramatic world that you aren't even a part of. And then once you give yourself a break you get this awkward vibe with reality. Like you can look at it both ways.. It's either a good thing realizing that life itself is way more satisfying than the show. And then there's the.. "FML". Yet again, I prefer interesting than bland. Drama only makes life much more interesting. But why hate drama? What is the world without drama?

JOE IS MY ULTIMATE THROW BACK

Wow. So much has happened from the last time I've been on this. Everything from under the roof issues, lying men, and the summer finale's. I can't believe how time flew by so quick! I've been working on my procrastination whereas I just had an interview today. I honestly think I won't get it. I got asked the most random questions about personal experiences that I definitely didn't anticipate. But whatever, shit happens, I just gaver ha. I'm so drawn by life right now. Everything that's been happening lately obviously has an affect on me both bad and good. Just waiting for that day where I can chill back, breathe and calmly admit that ITS ALL GOOD.

You still got the best of me. You still have that open position where you can come around, and I won't even hesitate to take you back. Scratch that. NEXT